« Lily's Home Birth Story »
I woke up at 1:15 AM, with my entire midsection screaming at me. Since I was, by my original due date, 42 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I was far past getting my hopes up and thought labor would never come. (Found out earlier that day that I was actually 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant, after looking at my chart, measurements, etc.) I thought I had to go to the bathroom or something, so I got up and went to do that. Once I sat down, the pain stopped. I went back to bed, and another one came pretty soon after so I got up again. This happened a few times before it dawned on me, “these must be contractions, because they are NO JOKE.” I think I had maybe 4 or 5 of them and then got some hot bath water running, jumping into it before it was even halfway full. They kept coming so I started timing them. At this point, they were a minute long, 4 minutes apart, and I had to close my eyes and breathe deeply until they passed.
So there I was, in my bathtub, having a ferocious internal struggle. “What if this isn’t really labor?” (I’d had 2 other times that I thought were labor but they were not nearly as strong.) “I thought early labor was supposed to be more spaced out than this?” “Should I wake Ross up?” (We had just gone to bed 2 hours ago.) Finally I thought, “I can’t do this alone,” and got out of the bath to go and wake Ross.
I staggered over to him and said, “HEY, I’m totally in labor right now, come hang out with me in the bathroom.” (Not the most eloquent way to put it, but it was barely out of my mouth before I rocketed back into the bath water.)
He wasn’t sure what to do, and was a little disoriented from being so tired, but he managed to ask me if I wanted him to call our midwife, and I told him to do so. I wasn’t making a lot of noise during contractions, so she advised us to go back to bed and try to relax. There was no way possible at this point for me to do that, but I tried anyway. The first contraction that hit me while I was lying on my side nearly made me cry. I jumped back out of bed and tried to sit on the birth ball instead. Ross turned on my hypnobabies tracks for me, but they totally did NOT help. I also found even the small amount of pressure from sitting on the birth ball very uncomfortable. I ended up leaning on it, on my knees, while Ross started filling the birth tub up. We put on “Groove Salad” radio, which was much better. The music was hypnotic enough to keep me focused, but upbeat enough to keep me energized.
My breathing was all over the place, and I started shaking uncontrollably. I said to Ross, “Why am I running from them? I want them to come – I don’t want to fight them!” and also, “The shaking feels good – it takes the focus away from the pain.” I knew that I shouldn’t be so keyed up, and was trying to mellow out. Sometime around now, Ross called our midwife back, who heard my psychotic, ragged breathing and advised Ross to push inward on my hips and make a low moan for me to mimic instead. This was the key. From this point forward, we did that with every contraction, while I was on my hands and knees, and it was much more bearable.
We let both of our midwives know that we would need them there soon, and just kept moaning through the contractions. Poor Ross was running everywhere, trying to set up the birth tub and then dashing back to me when I yelled for him. We didn’t time them, but it seemed like they were pretty close together. I was deeply in labor land, determined to not look at a clock, determined to focus on only ONE at a time. I laid on my floor, which I had neglected to clean for several days due to my post-due-date depression, and occasionally I would think about how little I cared what the house looked like, what I looked like (naked and with my too-short hair clipped up all over the place), or just…anything. All that mattered is that Ross pushed on my hips and I make the low moans instead of the high-pitched crazy noises from before.
I got into the birth tub as soon as I possibly could. It was nowhere near full yet, and was SO hot. It felt amazing, until I started to sweat. I then needed Ross to aim the fan at me between contractions, and then I would drop down to hands and knees and he’d push my hips and we would moan. Then he would lie down on the bed and rest and I would lean on the birth tub or lie on the floor. The music helped in between.
We heard a knock at the door and Fiona (my dog) went crazy. Ross went to open it, expecting one of the midwives to be there but it was my doula, whom he had not met until that moment. He thought it was a neighbor, coming by to bother us, and he opened the door with kind of a weird vibe I guess, because Fiona FLIPPED OUT. My poor doula – the sweetest woman you’ll ever meet who totally loves animals – had quite a time getting Fiona to stop squealing like a pig and sniff her hands so they could make peace. In the midst of this, I was in my bedroom having very intense contractions, hoping Ross would hurry back over to me while begging the universe to not let Fiona wake Blake up with her maniacal bark screaming! (This was a “homebirth is real life” moment for me...)
Both midwives arrived and I was in the big birth tub, handling it as best I could, in the same way that I had been. My doula brought me toast with honey and some ice water, but I couldn’t eat the toast fast enough between contractions, so my mouth was full of crumbs and I thought I’d choke if I ate any more. So, she brought cold washcloths to cool me down between contractions and encouraged me to drink more water too. Everything is a bit of a blur, looking back. I remember everyone encouraging me, and feeling totally supported and uninhibited.
Ross started using his knees to push in on my hips, since he was standing behind me in the water and I was leaning forward, arms over the side of the tub and holding hands with my doula. One of my midwives was observing from the back and the other was videotaping. I felt the baby drop into the pushing zone and my body lurched forward.
I thought, “I think this is transition, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. ONE contraction at a time!” and it started to feel a little bit of burning down below. Since I was in the water, it wasn’t too bad, but still intense. I was determined not to push until my body did it and I had no choice. This worked well for me, because I didn’t even have to really think about it. The burning and pressure reached a peak and I thought in my head “how much longer??” and ALMOST said, “I can’t do this” but I knew that I could. I never felt like it was too much. It was close to that, but I wanted this baby out so badly that I think I could have done anything. Instead of saying anything negative, a hypnobabies thing popped into my head and I said, “Open! Open! Open!” and “Get it out!” which was my way of telling my body what to do. Mind over matter…or something.
It was a relief to start pushing and feel the force behind the baby. I could feel the head stretching me, and everyone encouraged me to touch it, but I couldn’t move. I knew if I tried to move, I’d lose my resolve and possibly panic if a contraction hit. I felt the baby almost come out, and then get sucked back in. I almost cried when that happened, and said, “It went back in!” in the whiniest voice I have. Everyone laughed at that, but then they were very encouraging. One midwife said to me that it was the “two step” – two steps forward, one step back – and totally normal. The other said something about it stretching tissues. I lost focus on what they were saying.
It took longer for the next contraction to come. My body was giving me time to rest, which was amazing. I had some water, got my breathing under control, had some cold washcloths dabbed on me, and heard people telling me that I was strong, and I was doing so well. I was feeling really hot from the water and the exertion. I felt a split second of warning and frantically said, “Ross, hips!” and held my doula’s hands.
After a good few seconds of pushing, I felt the head come out and thought it was the whole body since it was such a relief. I don’t know what came over me, but I said, “It’s out! Help me!” and sprung into a standing position before I could even process what I was doing. Ross started anxiously looking around in the tub, saying, “Where’s the baby?!” and thinking he stepped on it. The midwife that was behind me didn’t spring to action fast enough, so the other one dropped the video camera and ran around behind me, telling us that it was just the head and the baby wasn’t in the water. They told me quickly to not go back down in the water (!!) and the next contraction came very quickly. I barely pushed and the baby was actually out that time. Since I was standing, I leaned all the way forward to look between my legs and saw right between the baby’s legs as Ross caught it and I giddily said, “IT’S A GIRL!!”
I was so happy, so relieved that it was out, that I was oblivious to what they were doing behind me. Ross had caught her, with the midwives right nearby, as one of them pulled the caul (amniotic sac that had never broken) off of her face and unwrapped a bit of the cord from her. I swung my leg over everyone and they gave her to me. The first thing I said was, “LILY!! Awww!!” in the high euphoric voice that all mothers use when they meet their babies. It was incredible.
I laid in the tub, holding her in utter amazement, until the placenta came out which was maybe 10 minutes later. The cord was pulsing for a very long time. My midwife remarked on how she had never felt a cord pulse for so long and how healthy the baby was. They told us that babies born in the caul are special and that it only happens in 1 in 88,000 births. Ross cut the cord after it completely stopped pulsing, and the birth team tended to me and got my bed ready for us to curl up in.
People aren’t kidding when they talk about the high after natural birth. Being at home was absolutely PERFECT for us, and I can’t imagine having it any other way. We cuddled up with Lily in our own bed, while our doula brought us sausage, eggs, toast and peach juice. The midwives – one a dear friend of mine by now – stayed for several hours to make sure everything was okay. I felt loved and supported by everyone there, and I know that this experience will be one I will cherish forever.
Lily Ann was born at 6:47AM, on Tuesday, August 30th, 2011, after only a 5 and a half hour labor, including 17 minutes of pushing. She was 9 pounds & 3 ounces, 22.5” long, with a 14-3/4” head. We were instantly in love with her. <3
Post-Birth
Blake slept through everything and woke up around 9:30. He came in and met the baby, but didn’t seem too bothered or interested either way. He smiled a lot, at least. Ross and I were both really exhausted, and we called his aunt to come and pick Blake up to stay with her for a couple of days. It took them a couple hours to get here.
Recovering in our own bed was wonderful. We slept, played rummy, ordered pizza, watched Jeopardy and competed against each other, got flowers and balloons from some dear friends and snuggled our baby. I’m so glad we got this time together, because we didn’t have it after Blake’s birth.
My sister, her husband and their kids flew in late Wednesday night, and we rented them a car and hotel room. They stayed there for 2 nights and then stayed at our house for 3. We watched a lot of movies and ate a TON of yummy food.
Pre-Labor
I had been envisioning my perfect homebirth for SO long. I practiced hypnobabies for months. I kept my house immaculately clean from about week 37 onward. I had so many thoughts and plans that I just knew would work out the way they were in my head.
And then my due date came and went.
About 3 days over my due date, I started to have some mild contractions when I woke up around sunrise. They were very easy to handle, but this was the first sign of anything and I was on hyper-alert. The house was spotless. I took a bath and Ross sat in the room with me, while we talked about our new baby and the things we were excited about. We had breakfast together. He filled the birth tub a little bit (he ended up draining and cleaning it, which was a big fiasco).
I started in on what I had envisioned for my early labor activities. I got out all the ingredients and started baking a butterscotch cake. I listened to my hypnosis tracks. The contractions – still very mild – were about every 15 minutes or so, all throughout the morning. We thought they were sure to increase and strengthen, so when Blake got up, we called for relatives to come get him for the day/night.
Ross ordered me a “birth day” present off of etsy.com and came over to show me a picture of it. It was an owl ring, with peridot eyes – one for each of our August babies. It was so sweet and perfect.
When Blake left, we really just enjoyed our time together. We played card games, went for a sunset walk, and talked for hours. It was a wonderful, connecting type of day.
And then all activity stopped. No more contractions. I was sure I’d wake up with them and that it was just a pause. Nope.
I’ll skip the misery section here and just point out a few things. After this day of mild things happening, the next time I was checked by my midwife, the baby had dropped and gotten into an ideal birthing position. I still count this day as early labor for myself, it was just 12 days earlier than ACTUAL labor. :-/
Other Thoughts
Going overdue was SO hard for me. I had another day of back contractions that lasted several hours too. That was 10 days before actual labor. I thought I would die from the waiting, but now that it’s over I’m so glad I held out and let her choose when to be born.
The long wait really tested my strength. It was much harder for me than the actual birth, but waiting really paid off. Lily came out in only 5.5 hours, and she was so utterly perfect that it was clear she used every last day in the womb to be ready to enter the world. She has had no problems whatsoever – not even a cone head!
I really thought I’d use my hypnobabies stuff, but when the time came, I didn’t need it. I think that it was so deeply ingrained in my mind, and it took away all fears about birth while driving home the idea that every contraction brought me closer and that relaxation was key. I guess I used this in a roundabout way. I felt strong and capable during labor. Never did I think I couldn’t do it.
Lily was born in our bedroom, which was slightly messy, in our house that was uncharacteristically messy at the time. I think in retrospect this is just one of the realities of life – that homebirth isn’t hotel-birth or super sterile hospital birth. It was real and comfortable. I thought I’d care about the state of the house. I did NOT.
It’s funny for me to think about how much different all this would have gone if I had been planning a hospital birth. Firstly, I would have been induced long before I went into labor, but if I hadn’t been… I would have woken up at 1AM in active labor and would have had to face waking Blake up (SUPER GRUMPY) and driving 40 minutes to the hospital, having horrific contractions and no way to relieve myself of them. I can say honestly that without that birth tub and being able to labor naked, on hands and knees, and push in a kneeling position, I do not know HOW I could have handled it. I would have caved and gotten drugs, most likely.
Homebirth was perfect for us. I can’t believe how wonderful it was, how grateful I am that I was able to have it, and how much it meant to me as a woman and a mother.
Birth Stories
Reader Comments (5)
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This is truly a beautiful birth story, and one that I will return to often as I prepare for my own home birth in January! (I especially love your final thoughts and remarks--very helpful for a newbie home birther!)
You both did amazing throughout the entire birth process, and I am very proud and impressed by both of you! Our home birth was one of the most amazing moments of my life, and certainly one that truly makes a person feel human. Thank you to everyone who came during the birth! Our Midwives and Doula were incredible!