The Unassisted Birth of Kaia »
I woke on Sunday, March 13th, still pregnant. I was 40 weeks, 3 days, which is how far along I was with my son, D, when he was born. I had expected an earlier birth, since this was my second child and I’d had five weeks of prodromal labor. But, despite my impatience, I felt good and had plenty of energy. I went to prenatal yoga in the morning, then came home to relax. At around 2pm, our two cats got into an enormous, screeching, fur-flying fight, which was very unusual in its intensity. Then one of them attacked my doula, Amber, and bit her foot at around 2:30pm – also very weird! We all noted how that cat was acting completely possessed. Perhaps I was giving off labor hormones?
At around 3pm, I started noticing a few contractions that were a little different than the ones that had been plaguing me for weeks. Not more painful, just somehow different. They came very infrequently and irregularly, but I still had a thought that the birth could be sooner rather than later. We went to a friend's house for the afternoon and left at about 8:30pm to drive home. On the way, I had another couple contractions that were actually a little uncomfortable, but still not regular. We got home around 9pm and I took D to bed. At 9:45pm, I was still in bed with him and still didn’t think it was labor. I could easily lie still through the irregular contractions and, while crampy, they could have fizzled out without surprising me. When I got up to pee, they got stronger. I started timing them, and from 10-11pm, they came every 4-6 minutes but were still fairly mild. I sat on the toilet and swayed through them.
Finally I decided to ask my husband, J, to open the bottle of labor wine, just in case the contractions stuck around, and then I took a shower. At 11:30pm I made the labor cake – a delicious chocolate Guinness cake. After the cake was in the oven, I went to the living room to knit. From 11pm – 1am, the contractions were definitely labor but manageable by just breathing through them and leaning forward or rocking on the ball. They were also very irregular and had spaced out significantly. From about 12-1am, the spacing was 7, 14, 16, 9, 13, 5, and 6 minutes! I was bored and kind of restless, not knowing how long this maybe-kinda labor would go on before it got "real".
Shortly after 1am, I finally acknowledged that I was nervous about having two kids. I realized that this fear was holding back my labor. I went to the bathroom to pee and have some privacy. While there, I noticed a bit of mucus plug, then started crying about my son. Throughout the pregnancy, though it was planned and very much wanted, I’d been mourning the loss of having an only child, and feeling guilty about that. At 1:20am, I went upstairs to lay in bed next to D. I kissed him several times and whispered to him how much I loved him and would always love him. After I left the bed, I sobbed in the bathroom in J’s arms, releasing the fears and guilt and sadness over having another child. I don’t recall having any contractions during this time upstairs. We came back downstairs, but not long after, D woke up. J tried to get him back to sleep but he kept calling for me. Amber turned the monitor down so I wouldn’t hear, but I tried to go upstairs to see him anyway. I made it two steps before a sudden and strong contraction had me on hands and knees moaning on the stairs. J brought D down right after that at around 1:45 am. He was scared at first, and wanted lots of hugs from me. I sat on a ball and held D over my big round belly, reassuring him and telling him everything was okay. Then, when a contraction came on, I gave him to J and stood up to lean over a ball on the couch, moaning and swaying my hips. After a couple contractions like that, J got D to sit with him to watch movies on J’s iPhone.
A few minutes after 2am, after only 4 or 5 hard contractions, I suddenly felt the urge to push. I moved to my birth chair set-up – a kid’s IKEA Poäng chair on an ottoman base, covered in towels and chux pads. It was the perfect height for me to be in a mostly standing squat but have support under my thighs and behind my lower back. I straddled the chair and had 4 or 5 pushing contractions. I held a finger touching the bulging bag of waters the whole time, feeling her move down as I pushed, then back up a little, then down more. 11 minutes later, with the last contraction and a lot of bearing down and moaning, she crowned. I supported my stretching tissues around her head, and said, “It burns!”
Then out she came, her water bag breaking as she emerged in one fell swoop, just like her brother had. I tried to lift her up but her cord was wrapped around her neck (also like her brother), so I lowered her back to the seat of the chair and lifted the cord over her head, then untied and opened my robe and brought her up to my chest. J held D and brought him closer to see his new little sibling. After I said, “D, this is your little brother or sister”, I checked and saw she was a girl! She came out completely pink and crying, with a perfect round head, and covered in vernix.
It was such a fast, easy labor, I’m still amazed (and grateful!) The first hour, I didn’t think it was labor. The next hour, contractions were frequent but mild. The following two hours, contractions were very irregular and infrequent, so I still wasn’t sure anything would happen anytime soon. Then a half hour of emotional release, 15 minutes of difficult contractions that required vocalizing, 11 minutes of pushing, and K was earthside! I’m absolutely convinced that I did the right thing by having her in a planned freebirth. Had I been relying on a midwife, she wouldn’t have made it, and it would have been a stressful, harried, unplanned unassisted birth. Given my irregular and mild contraction pattern, I wouldn’t have called a midwife until about 1:45 am, and she was born only half an hour later. During the birth, I felt a surreal sense of awareness and presence in my body that I hadn’t felt when birthing D. I believe it was because I felt no fear. Once I allowed myself to confront and release the only fear I still had – becoming a mother to two – she came out with ease. It was a perfect, beautiful birth, and I’m so grateful to my husband and son and doula for helping create such a warm, loving, relaxed atmosphere in which to welcome our sweet K.
March 14th, 2011, 2:15 am
8 pounds, 12 ounces, 21.5” long
Born in the playroom, surrounded by the color purple, the scent of clary sage and lavender, and the song “Tighten Up” by the Black Keys. Witnessed by her father, 2 year old brother, and wonderful doula, Amber.
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